Whether you are autistic and in a relationship with a neurotypical person or another autistic person, there are some helpful books about each type of romantic relationship.
Unfortunately, I have yet to find a book about autism and romantic relationships written for LGBTQ couples. These books are primarily about straight relationships. As soon as I find a more targeted book for those of us in same-gender relationships, I’ll update this list.
These seven books primarily describe autism as Asperger’s. While it is an outdated term no longer used in diagnosis, they wrote these books when Asperger’s was still a diagnostic term.
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Marriage and Lasting Relationships with Asperger’s Syndrome
Marriage and Lasting Relationships with Asperger’s Syndrome by Eva A. Mendes and Stephen M. Shore was written for neurodiverse couples.
It discusses topics related to autism, such as seeking a diagnosis, dealing with sensory overload, and managing conditions that commonly coexist with autism.
The book also discusses all aspects of a relationship with an autistic partner, including parenting.
Be aware, there is a chapter on self-care for the neurotypical partner in the book. You might want to just skip that chapter. It’s harder to read as an autistic person.
However, the book has some helpful information.
The Asperger Couple’s Workbook
The Asperger Couple’s Workbook by Maxine Aston has a lot of helpful relationship exercises you can do with your partner.
Of course, this book is not a substitute for couple’s counselling with a therapist. However, it can be a helpful addition to your therapy sessions.
The workbook helps the neurotypical partner understand the differences between themselves and the autistic partner, along with providing ways to learn each other’s communication language.
22 Things a Woman with Asperger’s Syndrome Wants Her Partner to Know
22 Things a Woman with Asperger’s Syndrome Wants Her Partner to Know by Rudy Simone describes all the differences between the autistic female partner and her neurotypical partner.
The book is a list of 22 traits we want our partners to understand about us. It’s one of the few relationship books written only about autistic women.
It’s a quick read and could be helpful in our relationships.
22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with Asperger’s Syndrome
22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with Asperger’s Syndrome by Rudy Simone covers various traits an autistic man might experience in a relationship with a neurotypical woman.
Just like with the 22 Things book written about autistic women, this book also provides a list of 22 traits that make an autistic man different from his female partner.
Since I am an autistic woman, I cannot vouch for how accurate this book is when describing autistic men.
You can look at the book preview on Amazon to see if it describes who you are.
What Men with Asperger Syndrome Want to Know About Women, Dating and Relationships
Dating can be a confusing whirlwind when you are autistic. What Men with Asperger Syndrome Want to Know About Women, Dating and Relationships by Maxine Aston aims to help clear up the confusion for straight autistic men who are interested in dating women.
This book contains 41 common questions an autistic man may ask while either dating or in a serious relationship with a woman.
While it has 4.5 stars on Amazon, you can look inside the book to see if it’s right for you.
You can also get the audiobook version on audible.
Aspergers in Love: Couple Relationships and Family Affairs
Aspergers In Love: Couple Relationships and Family Affairs by Maxine Aston discusses aspects of relationships the other books on this list do not cover.
There are separate dedicated chapters for verbal abuse and domestic violence.
It also discusses both the disadvantages and benefits of being autistic, along with a section written specifically about autistic women. There’s even a chapter on infidelity.
Most books about autism and relationships don’t discuss the more challenging parts of relationships, especially the topics in the book I mentioned above.
Autistics’ Guide to Dating: A Book by Autistics, for Autistics and Those Who Love Them or Are In Love With Them
Autistics’ Guide to Dating: A Book by Autistics, for Autistics and Those Who Love Them or Are In Love With Them by Emilia Murry Ramey and Jody John Ramey is the only book on this list written by an actually autistic person.
Most of the autism relationship books out there are for the neurotypical partner to understand their autistic partner, but this one actually factors in the autistic perspective.
It’s a quick read at only 128 pages and goes over some more basic information.
While it’s a small book, it’s nice to have a little representation in the world of autism and relationship books.
There are Many More books on Autism and Romantic Relationships available on Amazon.
Most of the relationship books are for the neurotypical partner so they can understand the autistic partner, instead of helping the autistic partner understand the neurotypical, but they can be helpful, regardless.
If you’ve read a relationship book that you’d like to recommend, please share that in the comments below.